I spent three years writing a book. It was a memoir about a particular twenty years of my life. Sixty thousand words later I started sending it out to agents for representation. But after I sent out each submission I found myself hoping that the agent wouldn’t pick it up. A few months ago I faced the truth…I didn’t want this work to move forward with me…I didn’t want it published. Of all the scenarios that I had envisioned, this wasn’t one of them.
I sat with that decision for a few months and made it final two days ago. It was clearing out day. After steaming vegetables and cleaning everything that I could find, I knew that the time had come. I went into the office and, after saving the manuscript, I started deleting all files relating to agents and preparation for publication including the two manifestos that kept me focused during the writing process. Then I turned to the paper trail. I gathered all files about the book and put them in a bin. Next came the garage. I unearthed tons of papers wrapped in rubber bands with little post-its on them saying “Not using” and put them in the bin.
When all was done, I sat in a chair with my face in my hands. I was on the other side of the intense energy and determination that kept me going for three years. I was going to create a work that would be an example of how to transform and transcend life’s crises. I planned to promote the book and speak to groups of people who needed support and guidance to face their traumas. I promised myself that I would accept whatever the future of the book would bring, and here I was trying to summon the courage to do just that. I felt sad and was missing the good friend that was the platform for my voice. Where to go next? I got up and took a bath in epsom salts and lavender, then got ready to meet friends for dinner.
The next day I took the bin to the shredding center. Guess how much the papers weighed? Twenty-one pounds! The cashier asked if I wanted her to put them in the shredding bins. “No!” I told her. “I want the pleasure of doing it myself.” And I slid all twenty-one pounds of the papers into the slots, saying good-bye to each pile.
The next day after qigong class I told one of the students about my day of discarding and moving on. He said, “Good luck with integrating and applying!” I realized that he had just given me the new version of transform and transcend. There’s no looking back, just moving forward. Stay tuned, be inspired and please share!
That’s huge, Mazel Tov!!
Thank you!
BRAVO!!!!!!