The Dangers of Wanting to Be Loved

I am a reasonable person. I have good judgment and can read a situation really well. I am secure and well-adjusted, considerate and articulate. But there is one area that overrides my trust in my intuition, and it does so without seeking permission from my otherwise mature, well-functioning mind. That is when I act out of wanting to be loved or approved of. It seems to be an entity on its own, with its own time zone and governing constitution.

That need makes me stay too long at a gathering or accept an invitation when I don’t feel like going. It begs me to engage in a conversation when I am feeling worn out and listen with empathy to someone who is not capable of appreciating it. It makes me give in when I’d like to fight it out or be too tolerant of an abhorrent idea. The bottom line is usually the same – it is exhausting.

I have a new goal…to protect my energy. It’s not exactly a New Year’s Resolution. It’s more of a question to myself, “When are you going to stop this?!?” I’m sure that I will get many opportunities to test out my resolve. It’s never as easy as one test, but I believe that we are meant to learn and change in this life and I’m committed to doing that with courage and humility.

Do you have this tendency? If so, how does it butt up against your better judgement?

I wish you a very Happy and Healthy 2020 with the courage to make important, healthy changes that benefit you and all those around you!


5 Responses to “The Dangers of Wanting to Be Loved”

  1. Kuklarama

    To some degree you have to put yourself in various social situations in order to increase your chances of enriching your life. When you are truly grounded within yourself, fully self-accepting, and living fully in your purpose, you will activate the switch in your mind which knows beforehand which situations are going to raise your vibration and which ones will leave you depleted. It’s not so much a matter of protecting your energy as it is allowing your energy to lead you to enriching and uplifting experiences.

    • Ellie Dolgin

      Thank you for your thoughts which are expressed so articulately. You present an important distinction which I will be conscious of moving forward. I appreciate your sharing these comments.

  2. Mar

    It may be that a “true” romantic will not be able to kill the deep need “to love”.

    That she or he could intentionally dampen, or smother, or extinguish that slight, but at times, tear-evoking bristling, exciting, (almost burning) warmth…well to stop that gift of the soul is against one’s very essence.

    That kind of heart makes no sense to anyone else ‘cept another true romantic.

    They after all are intentionally rare, put here to sweep the rest off of their feet, but only momentarily, until composure and stability regain control.

    Go, try to reason that gift away

    I think it might hurt a bit, or more.


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