I had just ordered lunch and was looking forward to reading my book and having a sandwich at the lovely outdoor garden. A man walked in and was looking around for a table, but I knew that I had gotten the last one. After a few minutes he asked if he could sit at an empty seat at my table. “I won’t even talk to you,” he promised. I said of course, and he came over and sat right next to me, too close, and I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything. So much for not talking and getting to read my book! We chatted during lunch, and then he said that he had to go. We shook hands good-bye and he left. A few minutes later, the waitress came over and handed me two checks. Apparently he never paid his bill! She understood that I didn’t know him, so I just paid my part, but we were both stunned. It could have been a mistake or he was the kind of person who would purposefully do that.
I began to think of some recent times when I didn’t demand that my boundaries were respected, when my gut evaluated the situation correctly and gave me a physical cue, but I didn’t listen. I now understand how important it is to be able to say with words and body language, “You need to back up,” or “No, you can’t sit there.” Protecting personal boundaries is our right and responsibility and is the appropriate response to our gut instincts. It was a good lesson for me.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I am sorry you had such a negative experience ! It could have gone another way- he could have paid for you or turned out to be a movie producer who was looking for a beautiful woman to put in his next picture. Again, I am sad there are people out there like that!
Hey, I like your take on it better! It was shocking, but it sparked a lesson that I needed to learn.
I am struggling with this right now! I have been clear and thoughtful about my schedule and this person continues to ignore what I am saying. I have tried to set the boundary in a way that doesn’t sound like a rejection and have even offered alternatives….what do we do when someone will not respect your wishes. …do we need to get mean in order to get through to them?! Thanks for your continued writing Ellie
How does “getting firm” sound to you? Always stay true to yourself and your integrity.
I agree with Janis, but then he also was an angel bringing you the wisdom you were in need of being reminded of. So many perspectives on this one event. I wonder what gift there was in this for him besides a free lunch? 🙂
Imagine if I hadn’t offered you the chair at Red Mango. We could never have met. I think its a case by case thing. Too bad he was a mooch. Next time! Movie director!
It was a good lesson for the restaurant, as well. They can avoid this problem by collecting payment when the order is placed. I applaud them for not passing on their loss to you, the innocent customer.
23 years ago this is how I met my husband, Russ. I asked if the seat next to him was empty. Luckily he replied, “yes.” It was in The Little Theater in Abington High, North Campus! Ya never know.