For the past few weeks, I have been sorting through photographs of our family to preserve and transfer onto DVDs. Today I looked at pictures from 1997…a very difficult of several years for my family and me.
I wanted to write a blog today about something else, but being committed to being honest and authentic, I decided to put those other topics aside and write about what is in my heart.
Seeing the pictures brought up feelings that I thought I had worked through and replaced with more comfortable and acceptable feelings. But, this flood of emotions told me that I have more work to do. I feel raw and vulnerable, angry and sad. Distance and time have given me wisdom and perspective, but it seems that I haven’t faced those feelings as deeply as I need to. I want to move on, but more needs to be released first, from my cells and from my memory. Today I took a step, facing my demons right-on.
Shining light on dark feelings dissipates and transforms them. No more secrets from myself, no more pretending that it was different. I accept the whole, both the good and bad, in its complicated wholeness. I learn lessons from old wounds and transform them into healthy acceptance that releases me. I choose courage; I release vengeance. I choose faith and trust; I release darkness. I choose love; I release fear. I accept freedom; I release unconsciousness.
Numbing the pain or trying to take the edge off won’t help me work through this. It will come up again disguised in a different cloak. Now is the time. Here is the place. Confronting with courage and vulnerability, transformed again once and for all!
Beautifully said Ellie. May your days ahead be filled with Light and much Love.
Thank you so much, Barbara! And for you, too.
you are the coooolest mom ever!!